Listening mindfully

Effective communication is essential to foster a culture in which people feel valued and that their individual talents and skills are appreciated. It has been estimated that the average person remembers only around a quarter of what somebody has said directly after the conversation (Shafir, 2003).

Mindful listening underpins effective communication. It helps people retain information by reducing the ‘noise’ of their own thoughts, so they can really hear what other people have to say. Because listening mindfully means listening without judgement, criticism or interruption, this also helps the speaker feel understood.

Tips to help you listen more mindfully:

• Be fully present: Focus on the person you are listening to without any disturbance. During remote meetings it is easy to slip into the habit of multitasking but try to be as present and focused as possible and avoid distractions. Before you start the meeting, take a few moments to clear your mind to make room for the other person’s point of view. You could practise a few relaxation techniques to help you ‘focus on the moment’ during the forthcoming conversation (e.g. try the breathing exercise suggested in Secure Base.

• Cultivate empathy: We tend to see the world through the lens of our own experiences, beliefs and personality. So, try to understand the situation from the other person’s perspective. You do not have to agree with them but validate their perspective by acknowledging their views.

• Actively listen: This is important for all meetings, whether face-to-face, or online. Active listening can be more challenging in online meetings as we do not have the usual visual cues that help us understand other people’s emotions and reactions. This means we can lose conversational threads and ‘miss the point’.

• Listen to your own cues: Be aware of the thoughts, feelings and physical reactions that you experience during a conversation and how they can divert your attention from the other person. Several things – such as our past experiences, our motives, our preconceptions, and negative self-talk – can make us focus more on ourselves than who we are talking to. Feeling impatient or frustrated (particularly if our ‘inner chimp’ makes an appearance – see (Secure Base) can make us interrupt or dominate the conversation. Thinking about what we are going to say next can also prevent us listening carefully and attentively. Switching off your self-view during online meetings can also increase focus and avoid self-consciousness.

• Consider doing mindfulness training: Research with social workers (Kinman & Grant, 2019) found that a short course on mindfulness can improve their listening skills and their ability to determine what people are really saying. They also found that mindfulness had many positive consequences for wellbeing and job performance, as well as work-life balance. Other studies of health and social care professionals have found wide-ranging benefits for mindfulness, with potential to reduce burnout and increase retention (Maddock et al., 2023).